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Copyright 2008
The Numpties
All rights reserved.

The Clock Scammer

The photos below are from a bait where a scammer was trying to rip off my fake church, I can't find the initial emails that started it all of, I'm not sure how many photos I got from this particular numpty scammer, but it was a lot, so far he has been a human pyramid, a human clock holding signs with the time on them for every hour, half hour and minute of the day, then I got him to paint his house in bright colours and write messages on the walls with a stencil, then he was Santa Claus with a sleigh I told him to make, pulled by donkeys wearing red noses and fake antlers.

To start with, I set him a task he had to do in order to prove he wasn't a scammer, I told him that we had the world famous Chipperfield Circus visiting our town, and the circus had agreed to give some of the proceeds from their takings to our church, so I asked the scammer if he could get some people together to make a human pyramid like they do in the circus, and the person at the top of the pyramid had to hold a sign with certain text written on it, see reply below for the text, this was his reply to my email.

Dear Father O'H,

We acknowledge receipt of your fun play task with the task rules.Father ,though you said that it is a small task to us it was a mountain to perform. (good ) However, we have tried the much we could do at that short notice.As a matter of fact we needed a two weeks practice to perfect performance of the task. (2 weeks? I only told him to do it 4 days ago, divvy twat) Another problem we encountered during our performance is the Photographer.He was not well focussed when he performed his work.We did not discover the anormalies you can see in our photos.He had assured us that the words:


were well forcussed and taken.We were taken a back when we found out that the words were not vissible at all, as you can notice from our photos. However,to correct the anormalies we did some modifications to maintain the purpose of photos taken from Africa by friends of Bishop Rxxxxx x.x.Mxxxxx,of xxxxx as "FUN PHOTOGRAPHS ADVERTISING ONE OF YOUR CHURCH SPONSORS".

Father O'H, that is the much we could do for your Church.Now the ball is in your court to decide whether we have made it or not. Father O'H,my church is very young with many problems.This has made our work dificult in one way or the other due to lack of financial, material, equipment, machinery(vehicles), computer and internet soft/hardwares, physical facilities and resources to facilitate our PASTORAL and COMMUNITY INTEGRATED DEVELOPMENT PROGRAMS.People in our catchment are are very poor.In this regard I request you to assist us develop to an INTERNATIONAL CHURCH that can sustain itself. In conclusion,we request you to lobby for us sponsors to enable us grow to that level in faith,deed and love. May God bless you,your family and church as you mentor us materially and morally.Father,a friend indeed is a friend in need. Yours in Christ, BISHOP Rxxxxx x. x. Mxxxxx

He sent these photos of the human pyramid with the dodgy sign.

Photo 1
Photo 2

I sent him this email telling him the pyramid photos were not good enough and were rejected, but that we had a new church sponsor which he might be able to help out with, the new sponsor was a novelty clock manufacturer who wanted to make clocks to do with the devil, I also threw in a couple of sweeteners, such as $200 if any of the photo's are used on clocks and a free website and hosting for his church, I only asked for the hours of the clockat this point.

Dear Bishop M,

Thank you for your email, I gave your photos to the Bishop and the circus to get there approval, but sadly, although the human pyramid was good, they were not happy as they could not see the writing on the sign clearly.

It is now too late for you to make a replacement photo for the circus as they will be leaving soon, so I will have to ask you to carry out another even easier task.

One of our newest sponsors is a clock manufacturer, they make novelty clocks for the UK and US markets. They have agreed to pay for our church to take 100 children from the poorest families in our region on a free 2 week holday to disneyland in America, isn't that an absolutely wonderful thing for them to do!

In return for them doing that, we have agreed to get our overseas members such as yourself to take photos whilst holding a sign showing the time, these photos will be used on clock faces (people who's photos are used by the clock company, will earn a fee of $200 per person).

The particular theme of the clock is the "devil", not something we would normally associate ourselves with for obvious reasons, but it is in a fun way, because the devil will be made to look ridiculous by having the red devils face, but also looking a bit like a clown at the same time.

I have sent you an example photo from one of our other African members, as you can see, his face is painted devil like and he is holding a sign with the time. I am sure you can take a set of 24 photos with the 24 hours of the clock on 24 signs with different people holding them, perhaps the people in the clown photos could help you again with this.

The times will be in 24 hour format, please paint your faces like in the example photo attached to this email (not painted "exactly" the same) the times to be written on the signs are:


Now I think you will agree that this is a very simple task this time, a lot easier than making a human clown pyramid.

Something else I wanted to mention to you, do you have a website for your church? If you do not have one, I would be more than willing to make a website for you free of charge and pay for the hosting for it, let me know and I will make it for you, you can then spread your word and name worldwide on the internet. Please get back to me as soon as possible about the clock photos, as soon as I receive thos 24 photos of the 24 hour times, i will then make your website and you will also be allocated your grant to build your church and purchase the land for it.


Father O'H.

The following day the scammer sent me this reply.


Dear Father O'H,

Please attached find 24 signs photographs of friends of my church who came in handy to perform the second task which many people dont like to be associated with in real life.However ,my friends sympathised with me after failing to accomplish the first task.

I hope this time we have made.Hence, I thank you in advance for opening for us a Website.I also thank you in advance for giving us donation to buy church land and build our CHURCH HEADQUARTERS.

God bless you.

BISHOP Rxxxxx x.x.Mxxxxx

There was just one little problem, he didn't attach any photos, so I sent him an email about it.

Dear Bishop M,

Thank you for your email, there is just one problem, you have not attached the 24 individual clock photos to your email.

Please re-send them, please make sure that you send 24 seperate images, 1 seperate image for each hour of the day, as they will not accept them all on one big jpg or gif image.


Father O'H.

The following day, the photos of each our for the clock arrived :), usually, if a scamemr uses children in their scams, I would airbrush their faces out to protect them, in this instance, he did use what appear to be a couple of people under the age of 16, but as their faces are covered in red paint I have posted them.

Photo 1
Photo 2
Photo 3
Photo 4
Photo 5
Photo 6
Photo 7
Photo 8
Photo 9
Photo 10
Photo 11
Photo 12
Photo 13
Photo 14
Photo 15
Photo 16
Photo 17
Photo 18
Photo 19
Photo 20
Photo 21
Photo 22
Photo 23
Photo 24

Now that he has done the hours of the clock, I shall ask a special favour of him to please my Bishop, and try and get all the 1/2 hour photos off him as well, I can only ask :).

Dear Bishop M,

Thank you for your email, I assume that because you did the photos so quickly, that you must have a digital camera over there that you take the photos with?

Could you please do me a very big personal favour that will favour me grace with my Bishop, the clock company liked your photos so much that they have asked for you to do all the 1/2 hours as well as the hours you did, and also numbers from 0 - 9.

Please could you do the following times, once again, please make sure they have their faces painted as before and with the crazy smiles some of them did, the other photos looked fantastic.

Here are the other times I need please:


And the following numbers, just write the numbers on the sign, no other words reguired, just the numbers:


If you could do that for me and my sponsors, that will be excellent.

Please give me some text about your church that you would like written on the home page of your website, and I will add that to the site today. I do have a lot of work on at the moment in the church with services and other things, so I will do work on your new website as and when I have time, but I will do a good job of it for you.

Please try and get those extra photos to me today if at all possible as the clock company said it is very urgent that they have them quickly.


Father O'H.

A couple of days later I received a load of photos from the scammer depicting all the 1/2 hour times and numbers from 0 - 9.

Sadly, he has used young boys aged about 11-13 holding all the signs, and not much red paint on their faces, so I have mailed him to do them all again using older people, these signs were a bit better than the last ones as the times are done using a stencil, I await his reply.

I also asked him send me a release notice so that my church can make use of the pictures in promotions as they see fit, and that the photographer gives his express consent to the pictues being used for the purpose of promotion by me.

Dear Bishop M,

There is one thing I forgot to ask you, could you give me written consent to use any of the photos you have done in church promotions as I see fit.

Also, can you ask the photographer to give written permission to express his consent to the photos being used for the benefit of promotions by either me or my church.

Those 2 permissions need to be hand writen on paper, signed by both parties and scanned to me, it is just for church legal reasons, I am sure you understand.


Father O'H.

He replied and sent me this handwritten consent.

Dear Father O'H,

Thanks for your latest message.Attached please find my hand written consent for you to use the photos I sent you in your church promotion.

By evening you will have received the photos.

Be blessed.

Yours in Christ,

Bishop M

The handwritten consent letter:

Later that same day, I received this email and the photos with umbers 0-9, where he mentions half nake dpeople in his email, he refers to males with no tops on.

Dear Father O'H,

Please find the attached photos from me for your sponnsors.You may find that this time I have taken photos of half naked people. I could not do it otherwise because that is what they wanted it done.

Father O'H, all these people are above 18years and married.

May God bless you.

Bishop M

The photos:

Photo 9
Photo 8
Photo 7
Photo 6
Photo 5
Photo 4
Photo 3
Photo 2
Photo 1
Photo 0

Soon after that, I received the photos of the half hour times.

Time is 00:30
Time is 01:30
Time is 02:30
Time is 03:30
Time is 04:30
Time is 05:30
Time is 06:30
Time is 07:30
Time is 08:30
Time is 09:30
Time is 10:30
Time is 11:30
Time is 12:30
Time is 13:30
Time is 14:30
Time is 15:30
Time is 16:30
Time is 17:30
Time is 18:30
Time is 19:30
Time is 20:30

I told him some of the photos contained a virus and told him to send a number of them again to waste some more of his time and money, he replied, and has more or less volunteered his services for the future in saying, if there is anything I want him to do, to let him know :).

Dear Father O'H,

I thank you for forgiving me for what happened to those virus photos. Such a mistake will not occur again in future because Iam praying that God helps me to install my own computer with internet conection to enable me do my work without straining.

Father O'H, Iam now very eager to know what next after completion of the small tasks you gave me.

In case there is anything you want me to do let me know. I also request you to maintain the status quo of the features that are on my current website HOME PAGE. The Scripture JOHN 10:10 should also be retained.Hence, I request you to do thorough editing of the information I sent to you before putting it on line.I have mandated you to do so for the benefit of my church.

May God bless you and your Church abundantly.

Bishop M.

I had ignored the bishop since he did all the clock photos, and then I got this email from him.

Dear Father O'H,

I salute you in the name of Jesus Christ who is our Personal Saviour.

Father O'H, I still remember what you promised me immediately I accomplished the small tasks for your Church.Iam now in dilema and short of words because I don't know the way forward.I thought I proved beyond reasonable doubt that Iam not a scammer. (not quite, no :))

Father O'H, your silence has put me in avery hopeless state.However, Iam not bitter about it because where there is a will there is a way.Therefore, I still believe that you will honour your promise at your own convinience time.

May God bless you.

Bishop M

Quite the patient one isn't he, he doesn't know it yet, but my church burned down yesterday (thanks to Marvinator for the newspaper cutting about it, top man), so I think he will not be too pleased when I tell him that all grants have been cancelled, I will send him an email about the fire in a little while.

I have been thinking about what to do next for a trophy from him, and I came up with this idea.

My church is burnt down and he has lost his grant, but I have some sponsors who are willing to rebuild my church, the sponsor will be a large bus or lorry freight comapny, of course he will have to do some photographic work for the sponsors. I was thinking of a banner being made, but I want something a lot bigger than that this time, so I will ask for him to completely paint the side of a large lorry or bus of some sort, not decided on the wording yet that I want painting, but I think he will go for it.

This will go a long way to helping my church to be rebuilt and also getting him his grant.

Ok, I sent this email to the bishop, I bet he doesn't even mind he has lost his grant, he seems like a caring patient mugu lol

Dear Bishop M, thank you for your email.

I am very sorry for not contacting you sooner, I have been snowed under with church work, and then my church had a ghastly accident, as you know, we had builders in doing urgent repair work to the roof and vaults area, well I really am sad to say that one of the workmen accidentally left a blowtorch on whilst he went for his break, as a result our beautiful old church was consumed by flames, it was like a scene from hell, I really don't know what we are going to do now, this has absolutely destroyed my soul.

I have attached a newspaper cutting from our local newspaper showing their news story about my church on fire, I am so very saddened by all of this, but I am also very sad for you Bishop Mutama, as we have had to cancel all grants at this moment in time, I hope you can understand our situation, I have shed many tears over this, sob sob sob sob sob. (not too many sobs was it lol)


Father O'H

I sent him this newspaper cutting:

My church on fire newspaper cutting

After the bishop received the newspaper cutting about my church on fire, he mailed me.

Dear Father O'H,

Thanks for your email message I have read this morning in tears.

Father O'H, Iam indeed very sad for that ghastly fire accident that reduced your Church to ashes.As a member of your extended family in Christ, Iam now the most affected in life. Let us hope that some well wishers and sponsors will come in immediately and assist you put up another wonderful Church building. (oh yes, you can count on me having a new sponsor :) )

I BELIEVE that always God has a purpose for his people.Therefore, Father O'H, don't let this incident kill your spiritual growth. Through thick and thin remain steadfast in faith,deed and love so that our Heavenly Father can continue providing our needs if we ask him through Jesus Christ who is His only SON.

Father O'H, Iam praying for you and your Church so that you can get out of this saddening moments very quickly. Let it not eat up your SOUL too much because before God everything is possible.

As for my part I have nothing to say because those small tasks cost me alot of my only available financial resources hoping to get a grant from your Church. Those who saw me do all those tasks have started making fun of me whenever this see me. (thats great LOL) Those who assisted me in doing those tasks have turned against me for failling to honour my promise of appreciating their efforts after receiving a grant. (oh dear, will they help you again?)

But what can I do if I have spent all that I had. I know as a Christian I must pass through such trying moments while believing that one day God will answer my prayers by providing solutions for all my needs without any struggle.

However, Father O'H why can't you put my website online as a GRANT SEEKER?

May God bless you and give you strength as you rebuild your Church.Your success is my HOPE.

Bishop M

I ignored him for 4 or 5 days and then he mailed me again.

Dear Father O'H,

May our Hevenly Father provide for you what you are missing to enable you rebuild your Church.

May our Hevenly Father also give you strength to endure the problems that came as a result of the fire accident.

May our Hevenly Father bless you as you continue rebuilding your church while having my church needs in mind.

Bishop M

My reply to him, guess what, I found a new sponsors for my church :)

Dear Bishop M,

Thank you for your kindly worded email, we are so busy doing everything we can to get the church rebuilt again, I still have your needs in mind and to build your church for you.

We have several wealthy benefactors and sponsors who have graciously given money to rebuild our church, and work is well underway on the rebuilding of the roof and other parts damaged in the fire.

The sooner my church is up and running, the sooner I can get back to giving you your grant and getting work on your church started, and this is something I need your help with Bishop M.

We still need a lot more money though, so two of our sponsors have promised to inject an even larger amount of money into our rebuilding project, providing that we dome some work for them, so I am looking for someone to do some photographic work for them, that someone is you Bishop M, as I have nobody else to help me at this time.

Here is what I would like you to do. The 2 main new sponsors we have are a large truck and bus company called "Keep On Trucking" and a bi-sexual clothing shop for men and women called the "Bi-Shop", both companies are located here in the UK, the owner of the truck and bus company is called "Ima Numpty" and he gives a lot of money to our church.

The sponsors want some painting and photographic work done on a large truck or bus type vehicle to advertise their companies, and to show that they are a good companies and help church's in need like ours. The writing needs to say their names, company names and slogans like this:

Ima Numpty - Bi-Shop (read as, I'm a numpty Bishop, I had to get a little dig in :))
Keep On Trucking You Lads
The Bi-Shop Is Gay And Happy
The Lads Need To Be Worked Hard To Beat Them
Helping To Rebuild The Church Of Gxxdwill

I am sure that this is well within your capabilities to do, it will ensure that our church is completed and then we can get you your grant as quickly as possible. I have been a bit busy recently with the fire, so i have not had time to work on your website, I hope to work on it again very soon.


Father O'H

The Bishop replied, he can't do it :(.

Dear Father O'H,

I thank you for your latest encouraging Email message.

Father O'H, the new task you assigned me is beyond my capability. There is no place I can find a Bus or a Big truck and paint it accordingly. I have tried but in vain. Therefore I don't know what to do next.

May God bless you.

Bishop M

So, I replied giving him an easier task of painting the side of a house or a building, hope he can manage that one :).

Dear Bishop M, Thank you for your reply.

Since receiving your email, I have spoken to the 2 sponsors from Keep On Trucking and the Bi-Shop, and also to the builders working on our church, the building company are already helping us by doing a lot of the work for free or for way below the prices they normally charge, it was supposed to be 750,000 in total, so they are also sponsoring us in a big way by defeating that large building bill down to just 419 from 750.

So it has been discussed with those 3 companies, and they have agreed that as you cannot get a truck or a bus to paint, that they would be more than happy for to use the side of a large house or building instead and paint the wording on that, it will have to be a big painting so will need a large wall on which to paint it.

Obviously, there will now be some extra words to paint to mention the building company, as well as Keep On Trucking and the Bi-Shop. So here is what I would like you to do instead.

What I need you to do is this, you need to find a very large building, house or office, and then completely paint the whole of one side of the building in orange, blue, yellow and green paint (those are their company colours). Then, in very large letters using bright red paint, write the writing below onto the building, it would be best if you used some letter stencils to do that so that it is very neat and tidy lettering!

The writing needs to say their 3 company names and slogans like this:

Ima Numpty - Bi-Shop
Keep On Trucking You Lads
The Bi-Shop Is Gay And Happy
The Lads Need To Be Worked Hard To Beat Them
Bodgeit And Scarper Builders - Defeating The Amount Of 419
Helping To Rebuild The Church Of Gxxdwill

I think this should be a lot easier for you to achieve as there is alway a building around to use. If you can get this done and take some good photos of the painting work, then that will help us so much to get the work completed so much sooner, I really hope you can do this as a personal favour for me!


Father O'H

5 days later I get this reply from the Bishop, hopefully, he has painted a house as directed, we will have the photos on Monday the 10th :).

Dear Father O'H,

Thanks for your message I have received today 8 /10 / 2005.

The painting task photos will be send to you on Monday 10 /10 /2005. I could have send them to you today but things did not work the way I wanted because of poor means of transport. Imagine, Father O'H to date I still walk on foot to perform most of my work. How I wish I had a vehicle to facilitate my means of transport.

I have already taken the photos and taken them to the Studio for developing which I have been promised to collect on Monday.

My prayers are for your Church to be rebuild very fast to enable me get the grants for my Church.

May God bless you.

Bishop M

I can't wait until Monday, I want to know what he painted sooner than that, let us pray that is not some painted crumbling wall on the edge of a farmers field, I replied.

Dear Bishop M, Thank you for your email,

That is absolutely wonderful news from you, you have made my day for me by doing the task, I must say that you are a man who gets things done, I take my hat off to you.

As I wont see the photos until Monday, could you please explain to me what the painting looks like and what did you paint it on? Did you paint a house, office or some other type of building? Could you tell me roughly what size the painting is in feet and inches please, I sinceraly hope it is very big. I am very excited to learn what you did, this will help us a lot with getting the church finished, i am sure my sponsors will love it, God bless you for your hard work.


Father O'H

A few days later and it's Monday, received an email from the Bishop with the those painting photos he promised :), I was only expecting 1 photo, but he sent me 16 showing the work in progress LOL

Dear Father O'H,

Thanks for your message.

Attached please find the photos and tell today whether I have made it or not. Please tell me before I leave town for home.

May God bless you.

Bishop M

And here are the 16 photos he sent me :)

House 1
House 2
House 3
House 4
House 5
House 6
House 7
House 8
House 9
House 10
House 11
House 12
House 13
House 14
House 15
House 16

I sent him a reply sayinghow well he did it.

Dear Bishop M,

Thank you for your email, I must say that is a most excellent job you have done with the painting, but it would have been a lot better for the sponsors had the lettering been a lot bigger and had it been right on the front of the building covering the porch area as well!!!


Father O'H

A reply from the Bishop.

Dear Father O' H,

I hope you are now very happy. As you can see, I painted a Multi-Purpose building. The front part is a shop and the back part is residential houses for family members staying in urban centres.

Father O'H,imagine though I don't have resources but whenever you assign me a task however hard it appears I ensure that I HAVE DONE IT. (yes, you are a good little lad who gets the job done:)) I hope at the end my CHURCH will reap the fruits. (you will certainly get all you deserve lol)

Father O'H, I request you to put me in picture every time during the on going process. Your silence may affect me.

May God bless you.

Bishop M

And that is where that particular chapter ends, but wait, it doesn't end here, it will soon be Christmas and this scammer still has plenty more things to do for me, like making a sleight, dressing up as Santa Claus, and putting fake antlers and a red nose on a donkey to make them look like Rudolph the red nosed reindeer ROFL :). You can see those photos here Santa Claus Scammer.

UPDATE: Hold on a minute, I completely forgot, before we get to the Santa photos, I also had him send some other photos with banners he had to make for my 419eater restaurant and other stuff.

Right then, lets continue, what I forgot was this, I was moving home at the time, and I told the scammer I would be on holiday for 2 weeks and left a job for him to do, he never did it so I mailed him this.

Dear Bishop M,

I returned from my holiday yesterday.

I had a wonderful time and visited many places of interest, including the Vatican, where I had a private audience with the Pope, it was an amazing experience meeting him again, as I have met him several times over the years before he was made Pope, and he is a good friend of mine!

Bishop M, I sent you an email before I went on holiday, asking you to take some photos of yourself and the worshippers from your church for my church newsletter.

I thought the photos would have been in my email inbox upon my arrival back home, but there is nothing from you. I will be doing the church newsletter in a few days time and would like to include your photos in the newsletter.

It would be nice if you could make some more stencilled banners like you made for my friend, and have those held up by your congregation in the photos, or have them placed on the wall behind your alter, put the names of both of our churches on them and any other wording you like.

Also, as I told you in my last email before my holiday, we also have a new church sponsor, they are a Carribbean pirate theme resaurant, I made them a small website to advertise their business and I would like a banner made, here is their website:

Please mention the following words on the banner:

The Church of Gxxdwill
You Can't Do Better Than The 419Eater
The 419Eater Gives Great Family Entertainment
Shiver Metimbers
Aye Me Hearties
Aaarrrrrrrrrrr Jim Lad

I hope you can get these banners and photos done as soon as possible for me as they are a major sponsor of our church.

The work on my church is coming along nicely now, though there were a few problems while I was away on holiday, but hopefully, it will not be too long before we can reopen the church and then get your church built. get back to me as soon as you get this email.


Father O'H.

He sent me 38 photos, I wont post them all as some are bog standard and too many faces to blank out. You may see some faded writing on the wall on which the banner is, that is paint from a previous banner I had him do.

You will notice on the banner is the website link to my and on that site you will see a pirate, some palm trees and a skull and crossbones, well I got another scammer to employ an artist to copy those designs from my website and draw them on to a big banner, and that's just what he did :), the banner was later shipped to the UK from Nigeria.

Bigger original image with clearer detail:

Original Large Image

Now that really is the end until I upload the photos of the scammer on his Sleigh as Santa.

What a numpty :)